Now, newcomer Rob McKittrick has gone and attempted his own Clerks in a Bennigan's-style chain restaurant. If you make it to the credits (you might as well, there's a funny gag buried at the end), you'll see he thanks Smith for making Clerks, "the movie that made this seem possible'.' But rather than naming his movie Waiters, he called it Waiting.... Waiting dot-dot-dot on what, you ask? Well, waiting tables obviously, that's part of it. But also waiting for life to begin while working a dead-end job. Clever, huh? But here's the problem: That lousy pun is as witty as Waiting... gets (well, that and the fact that his imaginary restaurant is called "Shenaniganz'').

The movie is a clumsy and uninspired mess, which is not to say that it's not funny. McKittrick has made a careful study of Smith's technique, picking up on the outrageously ribald nature of the material without recognizing what makes Smith's screenplays so funny (hint: it's a trait he shares with Tarantino). In both Smith and Tarantino's movies, unremarkable heroes talk and talk and talk, offering deep, earnest philosophical analysis of the most mundane topics. The profundity of their speech is a mismatch not only with the speakers, but also with the subjects themselves (usually pop culture or sex), and that's where the laughs come from.

To take an example from Waiting..., it's not funny when characters play ''the penis game'' (in which the object is to trick some unsuspecting rube into checking out your equipment), but it is funny when the girls who have endured the game in silence for most of the movie retaliate by pegging it as an "exercise in retarded homophobic futility.''

I mention the penis game because it's the dominant storyline in Waiting... Sure, there are subplots concerning the misguided ambitions of various characters -- including Ryan Reynolds as a randy stud who only has the hots for underage girls and Justin Long as a longtimer deciding whether to take that assistant-manager promotion -- but their stories take a back seat to the obvious ''don't f--- with the people who handle your food'' jokes.

At least the entire cast seems to be having fun spoofing the profession. No doubt they all have plenty of experience waiting tables (they are actors, after all). Reynolds in particular offers a hilariously cocky performance wasted upon a director with no sense of comic timing. Also like Smith, McKittrick doesn't have the first clue where to place a camera, and though he has the benefit of working with color film, the result looks grainy and sounds flat.

Still, if you see Waiting..., you will laugh. You may also throw up when you discover what really goes on in the kitchen. And you will certainly think twice before sending something back.

[as featured in The Miami Herald]