2. She Hate Me
Staggeringly offensive, but you have to give Spike Lee credit for failing while trying to accomplish too much. A man blows the whistle on a corrupt corporation, then resorts to impregnating lesbians to pay the bills. No, it will not make more sense if you see it.

3. Van Helsing
Just because you can do it with CGI doesn’t mean you should. A monster hunter (Hugh Jackman) is dispatched to Transylvania to protect Kate Beckinsale and her pretty-boy brother from Dracula at all costs. And he fails... miserably... and at maximum volume!

4. Testosterone
This bottom-shelf gay thriller hopes to entice audiences with a split-second nude shot of Antonio Sabato Jr. Anyone desperate enough to rent it for that reason deserves the disappointing (dare I say, "flaccid"?) experience that awaits. That’s what the web is for, folks.

5. Anatomy of Hell
Catherine Breillat may be the most provocative filmmaker working outside the porn industry, but there’s little to separate her latest “art” film (designed to challenge the way we think of the vagina) from its X-rated competition. Oh yeah, except that it’s not even remotely sexy.