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| I shudder when I look back on my review of The Saint, not because my opinion of the film has changed, but because I feel that I used such a disappointing film as an excuse to rant. This review illustrates exactly that which I dislike in many other critics: wit over substance. I leave it here online as a reminder to myself. I hope that with this review I was able to purge from my system whatever it is that motivates a film critic to make gibes and puns instead of more useful commentary. With that said, I hope you'll feel free to read on... |
Does your pet dog have rabies or another terminal disease? If you’re looking for the humane solution, take him to The Saint, a movie that’s guaranteed to put him to sleep.
The Saint is a big-budget waste of quality talent. Its seen-it-all-before script is a disgrace for Oscar-nominated Elisabeth Shue (Leaving Las Vegas) and Val Kilmer, who has played more memorable roles as Batman (Batman Forever), Doc Holliday (Tombstone), Jim Morrison (The Doors) and even a cameo as Elvis (True Romance).
Like Mission Impossible, The Saint is yet another addition to the growing list of TV shows embellished for the big screen. The movie is a disappointing attempt to update the classic hero 
(who dates back to 1920s pulp novels) through a plot that ignores the end of the Cold War and strongly resembles a James Bond movie from a decade ago (Bond actor Roger Moore played the Saint in the ’60s television series). The movie’s villain is a greedy politician determined to ... gasp! ... make the Russian people happy by stealing a form of energy that will give them heat.
Like the movie’s story, the dialogue vacillates between two extremes: corny clichés and improbable and long-winded scientific mumbo-jumbo. The script is cluttered with speeches that explain a technology that doesn’t exist and futile attempts to justify why an orphan would decide to become an international criminal (answer: to earn $50 million).
The story copies action sequences and plot devices from several films, which isn’t a sin in itself. Unfortunately, the movies it mimics are very recent, so you’re likely to notice the similarities. For instance, consider the break-in past high-tech security equipment (Sneakers), the narrow escape from a pipe full of rushing water (Die Hard with a Vengeance),
the plan to steal the secret for liquid fusion (Chain Reaction), the mastery of disguises and false identities (James Bond’s specialty), the covert missions arranged through the Internet (Mission Impossible)... the list goes on.
Unlike Mission Impossible, The Saint doesn’t really have anything new to offer. Sure, it’s an exciting movie if you can get around its dull moments (which include the movie’s sex scene: coitus interruptus when Shue has sudden heart trouble). In the end, The Saint looks like a big-budget commercial for a hot new Volvo, Apple Powerbooks, and a fancy new cellular phone. Do yourself a favor and wait for the video, so you can fast-forward whenever a character opens his mouth.